Monday MeMyBook&Eye: Geek Episode 2

Yes, I’m aware that it’s Tuesday and I’m tardy again. But, I couldn’t get past the alliteration.

Dumb and exposed. That description seems to be the benchmark of popularity in our culture today. Just take a look at the television line-up to see how many overexposed reality shows are gracing the airways in the name of entertainment. Dumbing down looks to be the trend du jour. And the dress code is, well, low-slung and narrow in places where it used to be wide.  ”I’m hot” seems to be the new mantra of a socially acceptable generation that values knowledge–not of books, but of almost every conceivable manifestation of popular culture. To be “in the know” is often the barometer of cool in the “whatever” generation. And, cool is getting younger and younger.

Roll camera on Geek Episode 2. My first selection for the MeMyBook&Eye solo book club has been Bringing Up Geeks by Marybeth Hicks. Marybeth was kind enough (many moons ago) to send me a copy of her book, and I decided to make it my first foray into the concept of a serialized review. It’s been another many moons since Geek Episode 1 (insert well-intentioned excuse here), but I am no less a champion of this inspiring book.

As I quoted in Episode 1, Marybeth offers 10 geek strategies to help parents promote “innocence over exploitation, substance over style, and genuine self-esteem over superficial acceptance.” Sold. The first is “Raise a Brainiac.”

As Bug would say, “I like it!” The Brainiac lifestyle Marybeth describes values being smart over being cool. It’s about training and allowing my children to explore their God-given curiosity and creative spirits, independent of what others may see as popular. What a way to instill confidence in following their passions and convictions as adults! Again, to me this book is so much about thinking beyond the moment, about parenting for adulthood. It’s about raising my kids to be the kind of grown-ups that can impact the world. A few lessons stood out.

1. Raising a brainiac is about the process, not necessarily the trappings of achievement. It’s not hopped-up on status seeking, but finding the value and joy of learning along the way. Note to self: I was that kind of child–and am now that kind of adult.  I want my gifts to believe they are smart and know that’s ok. In fact, it’s good and has lots of perks.

2. I need to find ways to meet my child at his place of curiosity and encourage exploration. When curiosity is encouraged, confidence is gained.  Marybeth writes, “As children gain confidence, they naturally reach further beyond their comfort zones to discover new and more interesting things. Confidence feeds curiousity, and curiosity fuels development.” (pg 39)

3. Pay attention. (hmmm. there’s that pesky theme again.) Marybeth enumerates the concept of 8 “intelligences” proposed by Dr. Howard Gardner of Harvard University: linguistic (word smart), logical-mathematical (number/reasoning smart), spatial (picture smart), bodily-kinesthetic (body smart), musical (music smart), interpersonal (people smart), intrapersonal (self smart) and naturalist (nature smart). By watching and listening and playing, I can find each of my children’s particular area of smart expertise and feed it.

The second geek strategy is “Raise a Sheltered Kid.”

Raising a sheltered kid is about protecting innocence. But, I can’t escape the truth that protecting innocence begins first, by valuing innocence. Not an easy task today. Take one look at Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan or Jon & Kate Plus 8 and it’s clear that in today’s culture innocence is something to be tossed away, or at the least hurried on through.

Protecting innocence is not a passive endeavor. Through this chapter I was so inspired to NOT give up my children’s innocence without a fight, without taking a stand. To not give it away for the sake of convenience or busy-ness or indifference or cowardice at ruffling a few parent or peer feathers. Marybeth wrote, “…I believe we lose sight of our children’s most basic needs when we focus on time limitation, the changing and pervasive nature of media technology, or the reactions from our children and their friends. The culture of cool has changed the way we have to approach our job as parents, demanding that we take the time, know the media landscape, and determine what’s really best for our kids.” (pg 62)

As a parent, it’s up to ME. I must take the time. I want to make clear and informed choices for my kids and not pass the responsibility on to other parents, other kids or the culture itself. My boys and Baby Girl (and the gifts they have to give) are too important to me and to this world.

The Sheltered Kid chapter is full of practical guidelines. Some of the internet practices the Hicks family has put in place, alone, are well-worth the purchase of this book. There is also some great foundational information about the nature of media messages themselves (which I think I’ll save for another post.)

Marybeth wrote about the negative reputation being a “sheltered kid” sometimes has–what with the ever-present need to be in-the-know at younger and younger ages. But, she really brought it back to the definition of a shelter itself, the purpose of which is to protect and shield. Although her children no doubt stand out in their lack of knowledge or participation in many things, she wrote, “They see our shelter as an expression of our unfailing commitment to assuring that their childhoods are a time of innocence and wonder, and they know our limits are a reflection of our love.” (pg 83)

Innocence and wonder. If those don’t warrant a shelter, what does?

*Update: Read Geek Episode #3

Monday MeMyBook&Eye: Geek Episode 1

Welcome to Geek Episode 1 of the MeMyBook&Eye solo book club. (Point-click your membership card to the left.) As you know from here and here, I’m reading Bringing Up Geeks by Marybeth Hicks. And, in case you didn’t know, geek is the new cool.

In just over 300 pages, Mrs. Hicks advocates an approach to parenting that rejects the “culture of cool” so prevalent in our society and advocates raising “genuine, enthusiastic, empowered kids.” And, from what I’ve read so far, it makes A LOT of sense.

“My goal with these ten geek strategies is to launch a child-rearing movement that promotes innocence over exploitation, substance over style, and genuine self esteem over superficial acceptance. I hope they inspire you toward your most courageous, effective, and satisfying parenting experience.” (pg. 24)

Eighty-something pages in and, yep, I’m inspired.

I had to laugh at Mrs. Hicks’ opening story about a fellow school mom who took great issue with Marybeth’s description of her own children as geeks. After the experience she said, “I trudged back to the van, all the while wondering why it was so important to that mom that my children be popular.” (pg. 2) Why, indeed? As the book makes the case, popularity today equals a sort of pseudo-adulthood. Knowledge equals popularity, being in the know (and often in the experience) about culture–what’s big in celebrities, movies, fashion, toys, girls and boys. In pondering (and deciphering) my notes, three thoughts from the opening chapter completely got me on board the geek train.

Popularity is learned by example.
The start of Bringing Up Geeks reminded me that although every person wants to be liked, children don’t come out defining popularity in terms of social culture. They learn the importance of popularity by example. In my mind, there is a clear distinction between the desire to be loved and the desire to be liked. The desire to be loved (which transcends popularity) is something we are born with. The desire to be liked is something different. Sadly, I think it’s often the parent’s ideas of what constitutes popularity that begin a child’s quest.

Even at my kids’ young ages, I see lots of parents rushing them through their innocence, rushing past Winnie the Pooh and Elmo, and on toward Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers. It’s not always easy to go against that flow. As Mrs. Hicks put it, “raising uncool kids takes effort.” (pg. 2) And, in my limited preschool experience, it’s not for the faint of heart.

Childhood is important.
“A geek is an empowered kid enjoying an innocent childhood.” (pg. 5) There is a normal process of maturity that culture often tries to circumvent. It rushes our children past preschool into some mini-size version of adolescence and then on to a pretend version of adulthood.

But, that process is short-sighted. It produces an artificial maturity without the true skills for wise choices. I want to think long-term with my boys and Baby Girl. I want to start raising them NOW to be the kind of grown-ups I’ll admire when the time comes–real, productive, powerful, compassionate adults, not a cheaper Hollywood version.

My kids are more than culture expects them to be.
Look around. Culture has set the bar so incredibly low for my children. They can’t be expected to behave. They can’t be expected to sit still. Asking them to speak and act with respect might hurt their tender feelings. They can’t learn when they’re in the “terrible twos.”

Wait a minute. My kids are better than that. They deserve better than that. As Mrs. Hicks reminded me, “I’m convinced our kids will meet us where we expect to find them.” (pg. 21) I want to expect more than what culture tells me I can. And to do that, I have to be even more relentless than culture is. The time and energy I neglect to spend in protecting their childhoods will be quickly filled by a culture that is relentless in pursuing and having its way with my kids.

Uh uh. Not on my watch.

Needless to say, I am completely inspired to master culture in the life of my family, rather than be mastered by it. I’m resolved to be my kids’ champion by raising my level of expectations beyond what culture says is important and acceptable. Because I believe my children can accomplish more.

Thanks, Marybeth! Stay tuned for MeMyBook&Eye Geek Episode 2. It’s thoughts on raising a “brainiac” and a sheltered kid–GEEK rules #1 and 2.

*Updated: Read Geek Episode 2

Read Vicariously: Introducing Me, MyBook & Eye

It’s a win-win situation. I’m starting something new today–actually two things: 1) a book; and 2) a book club, sort of.

That’s me up there with the new book of choice, Bringing Up Geeks.  Author Marybeth Hicks graciously gave me the opportunity to review it for EyeJunkie readers, and I’m very excited to oblige. I’ve heard lots of buzz about this book, and I love Marybeth’s no-nonsense/make-sense writing.  I couldn’t wait to rip open the envelope and flip through it, sharing quick quotes with Hub–one about Target and hell jumped out.  (More about that later.)  I’ve only read about 3 pages into the introduction and already I have a couple of “you tell it, sisters” in the hopper.  I think this one is going to warrant a little more than one post, and more than a few conversations.  Since my reading is most often done in the wee hours, however, I have a feeling that my conversations are going to be with myself, BuddytheCat, and well… you.  Which brings me to item #2.

That’s the solo “book club” I’m starting over there at the left:  MeMyBook&Eye. I’ve always been interested in the concept of book clubs.  It takes me back to my first pseudo-reading club experiences in the elementary and middle school program, “Junior Great Books“.  We read short stories and book excerpts and discussed them in a much smaller “class” environment with desks all pulled into a circle.  I remember reading Flannery O’Connor’s The Lottery in 5th or 6th grade and expressing the jarring effect of her scenario.  Great Books was a place where we were actually encouraged to make notations in our books, to circle words we didn’t understand and to jot questions in the margin. Thus began a thinking girl’s discussion of books.

Unfortunately, the concept of book clubs forces me to read on a schedule, which I’m not good at anymore. It forces me to be able to read and decipher my notes well after writing them–another thing I’m not good at anymore.  Plus, I don’t think they have book clubs at 11pm when I might be willing to take time away from eating and playing with my kids. So, I’ve decided to start my own, sans most of the pesky accountability–if going solo (in the non-virtual sense) can be considered a club.  It’s me, my book of the moment and EyeJunkie in a little reading lovefest.  And, since my lovefest is more of a love/hate kind of thing depending on the current contents of my purse, schedule and brain, the MeMyBook&Eye club is also an entirely self-centered attempt to guilt myself into taking less than three years to read a really good non-fiction book. I said it was sans most of the accountability.

I’m looking at this as a great way to record my thoughts on a book as I’m reading it rather than waiting to the end when the nuances are lost in overview.  And, even if you don’t like to read, you can do it vicariously through me with just a click in your RSS feed [hint!].  It’ll be almost like flipping the pages yourself.

If you’re interested in reading vicariously through me, we make it easy here at EyeJunkie.  No attendance record and no dues required. Just scroll back up and point-clicky to grab the membership card for yourself. Drop it on your blog, email it to yourself or print and carry it in your wallet–just to remind you of me and the book I’m we’re reading.   Oh, and if you want to read with me actually instead of vicariously, pull up a comment and stay awhile.

Coming soon… Bringing Up Geeks, episode 1.