Reading Journal: Just Kids

I saw last week that the book Just Kids by Patti Smith won the National Book Award for non-fiction this year, and it made me think about the book again. I enjoyed reading it earlier this year, and have seen a few great interviews with Smith about it as well. It’s been a while since I’ve written about books, so I thought I would share a few thoughts about this one.

Just Kids is a poignant memoir of the love affair and life-long friendship between Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe, two artists who became symbols of the alternative art culture of the early 1970s and whose iconic status in greater pop culture continues today. The staccato prose of the writing took some getting used to, and the rapid pace of Smith’s descriptions of encounters with poets and authors and musicians was at times dizzying. I really enjoy the stream of consciousness style, however, and I suppose her approach to recounting the pair’s activities matched the random nature of the times and the evolution of that particular sub-culture.

I’ll have to admit that there were a lot of names in Just Kids that I didn’t recognize. I’m just barely a child of the 70s and I guess my younger cultural experiences didn’t follow the same circles as those of the Hotel Chelsea scene. There were many names I knew I should recognize and felt a little tuned out because I didn’t — lost my official “artist” badge in a couple of instances, I’m sure. In fact, there were times when I felt I’d fallen into some giant cocktail party game of name-dropping. But, the people who took up the volume of Smith’s remembrance emerged as “characters” I learned in a new way.

I was quite enamored by the story as a whole and particularly by the ebb and flow of the relationship between Smith and Mapplethorpe. It was an interesting study of muse and artist, of friendship, of family created out of common loves and of the weathering of change. And of course, the emergence of both the artists’ “voices” in prose, photography and song is unique and compelling.

The way Smith described the end of Mapplethorpe’s life, her continued protectiveness of him and his vision, and her process of letting him go was very moving for me. It spoke volumes about life lived entwined with another person and the realities of how that type of relationship changes by necessity over time. The poignancy of the last chapters of their relationship and Mapplethorpe’s death perhaps highlight some of the ways I was disappointed with the book. The close of their story made me cry. It moved me. It showed me her grief at losing the person who was so influential in her life. It made me feel her grief over how situations change–both for good and bad. But, in many ways it was the first time I felt I really saw her in the book.

For much of the book, I felt as if Smith was painting a picture for me. Yes, that’s partly what a memoir is, but it seemed she was trying to portray a contrived image of herself. It was clear in much of the book that her goal was to emphasize Mapplethorpe, but her perspective and role in his life would have gained greater credibility from more of that rawness I saw at the end.

For me, she didn’t answer the “oprah question.” You know, the question every onlooker would ask. She didn’t seem to address with any depth her own feelings about the delving of Mapplethorpe into the gay culture he became so synonymous with. They were lovers. And young lovers at that. At a time in their lives when both their artistic visions and their forays into adulthood were very new. That’s a very powerful relationship. The woman who described her own fantasies of being Baudelaire’s muse seemed completely detatched from the fact that her lover was hustling in male prostitution. She seemed almost indifferent to his decision to pursue a homosexual lifestyle. For someone who throughout the rest of the book infused so much meaning into small details and chance encounters, it seemed just a little too cosmopolitan. I was amazed by her acceptance of Mapplethorpe’s choices, and I recognize that acceptance as one thing that made their relationship so enduring and impactful for the two of them. But, I wanted to see her care. I wanted to see her work through the emotions of that change in their relationship. It would have brought a very human perspective to the “starting gun” affect his work continues to have in our culture.

All in all, I really enjoyed Just Kids as a memoir, as a record of a very intriguing time and a very intriguing art “scene.” I just wish that in her zest to show me Mapplethorpe, Smith would have shown me more of herself as well.

Tues Ten 051810: Half-Finished Books

Oh good grief. Do you ever catch a glimpse of your own ridiculousness? Frankly, it happens to me all the time. It happened last night. Yesterday was a difficult and tiring day in many respects, and I was looking to wind down at the end of it. Sometimes one of my wind-down pasttimes is reading. Now, reading and I have been on the outs recently. It’s nothing that reading has done. I have just been focused on other things and my free time has been in short supply. I haven’t finished a book since the adventure I mentioned a while back with Patti Smith and Robert Maplethorpe in Just Kids. While the book left me a little saturated with 1970s icons, it was a good read with no long-lasting reading baggage.

As an aside, I’ll share two of my favorite quotes from that book…

pg. 40 “… I understood that in this small space of time we had mutually surrendered our loneliness and replaced it with trust.”
What a lovely description of the birth of soul mates. Honestly.

pg. 116 “The politics at Max’s were very similar to high school, except the popular people were not the cheerleaders or football heroes and the prom queen would most certainly be a he, dressed as a she, knowing more about being a she than most she’s.”
Made me laugh out loud. Honestly. (Where Max equals Andy Warhol 70s hang-out.)

Now, back to the list at hand and my reading habits. They’ve been non-habitual lately. Last night after the long day, I was interested in getting reacquainted with the process. I usually have a couple of books in progress when choosing my preferred distraction, and I have a couple of places I keep them. There is a basket under one of our side tables where some reside in hopes of keeping them from Baby Girl’s growing obsession with books, and well, tearing their pages. There is also a small shelf by the fireplace where I keep a few. And, there may be a few laying around where the mail or magazines rest or next to my computer bag. It’s a haphazard storage system at best. Last night I checked all those places to choose a current pre-bedtime selection. Here’s where ridiculous steps in.

Honestly, there were at least ten books that were at various stages of completion. With that number of choices, I was suddenly and completely overwhelmed by making the decision. My effort at relaxing suddenly became an anxious, self-doubting exercise in “which book should I choose.” Ridiculous, I tell you.

Then, an idea occurred to me. I could salvage this ridiculous moment–by sharing it with you. Whoa! with the ten mid-read books. Emphasis on ten. Now, I realize that I’ve been all literary lately, what with the poetry shared last week. I hope you non-pleasure readers won’t take it personally. I’m sure I’ll be back to some new record of ridiculous next week like “things I didn’t know were in my refrigerator.” For now, you’ll have to bear with me.

I give you this week’s Tuesday Ten: Half-Finished Books Laying Around–made even more fun (and possibly more ridiculous) by highlighting their respective “bookmarks” as well. Enjoy!

1. Lost Symbol by Dan Brown — page marked by a day job business card
[On loan from the Queen, but as usual, Dan freaked me out in the first couple of pages and I'm still a little freaked but so up for the cryptography.]

2. Loving Frank by Nancy Horan — page marked by a younger photo of Little Drummer Boy & Bug
[Fictional account of a real-life love affair with the architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. It has me caught up in being all sentimental about architects and their buildings.]

3. Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott — page marked by its own book jacket at the moment
[A book on faith and its winding, but eventual path. This is where I'll start.]

4. Making the Blue Plate Special by Florence Littauer — page marked by a baby picture of Baby Girl, awww
[A great book on the importance of creating traditions. Made me cry a few times already. Why haven't I finished this?]

5. Called to Worship by Vernon Whaley — page marked by the only true “bookmark” that’s white with a green/white polkadot border and two green, yellow and red turtles plus “Haley” that I cross-stitched on it sometime when I was busy reading Little House in the Big Woods
[A head-bending look at worshipping God using various folks in the Bible as teachers.]

6. The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl — page marked by Kroger checkout coupon for $2 off a Duracell battery value pack
[A mystery involving Dante's levels of hell and a serial killer set in the 1800s. I'm scared this one will scare the pants off me, which is probably why it's unfinished.]

7. Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann — page marked by a scrap of artwork by Bug
[National Book Award winner I couldn't resist from Barnes and Noble, plus it starts with a dude walking a tightrope between two NYC skyscrapers. Cool.]

8. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott — page marked by a Gatlinburg, TN brochure
[I've loved this book since I learned to read it, and I'm reading it again just for fun. But, seriously, how much fun can one reading Junkie really have with all these choices?]

9. The Key to Your Child’s Heart by Gary Smalley — page marked by a notecard with Walter Anderson blockprint of a cat
[My token parenting book, and it has GREAT insight on how we can inadvertently close up another person's heart. But, it is heavy and thought-provoking and actionable, so it doesn't help me relax.]

10. Robert Frost Poems (anthology) — no pages marked, since I seem to simply pick it up, leaf and read
[This is why he's showing up in posts recently.]

(#17: Grace is on deck. Swing, batter.)

Grace

“We communicate grace to one another by holding space for people when they are hurt or terrified, instead of trying to fix them, or manage their emotions for them. We offer ourselves as silent companionship, or gentle listening when someone feels very alone. We get people glasses of water when they are thirsty.”
~ Anne Lamott, in an interview with Amazon.com

(holding space. thank you.)

MeMyBook&Eye Preview: Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham

When Thomas Nelson offered me the opportunity to review Marcus Buckingham’s Find Your Strongest Life through their Book Review Bloggers program, my first thought was this: There’s something immediately suspect about a man–no matter how well-educated–telling women how to be happy. I’ll go ahead and say it.

However, I only made it a few pages into the book before I was sold on what he had to say–not only his message, but his methodology. This captivating and well-conceived book isn’t your typical self-help offering. Strongly grounded in research and in Mr. Buckingham’s experienced career in evaluating and drawing conclusions from statistics, Strongest Life, offers more than a feel-good message. It offers a recommended practice of achieving the strong life of joy and success we all seek.

Mr. Buckingham begins Find Your Strongest Life by quantifying the paradox I’ve seen so often among women today–the fact that although we have achieved an increased number of career opportunities, pay scale plateaus and glass-ceiling breaks, women still lack happiness. As Buckingham concludes from the available research, “Over the last forty years women have secured for themselves greater opportunity, greater achievement, greater influence and more money. But over the same time period, they have become less happy, more anxious, and more stressed; and, in ever-increasing numbers, they are medicating themselves for it.”

Telling.

Find Your Strongest Life pinpoints some key commonalities at the emotional level among women who’ve created “strong” lives, or lives that are both effective and fulfilled. These “strong” lives build on and expand moments when women are being true to themselves and their innate personality traits and unique gifts. He calls them moments when we have an undeniable sense of self-efficacy–when we are at our most assured and engaged, filled with joy and hope.

After interviews with countless women, Buckingham also recognized a common thought “practice” present in women living “strong” lives. The practice runs right up my alley in that it involves paying attention to our own lives, noticing those “strong moments” when we are at our best selves. By nuturing and expanding those moments, we build our strongest life.

Although Mr. Buckingham doesn’t explicitly address the issue of faith directly, I believe that with a measure of discernment the approach he advocates can help us recognize the gifts and skills God has given each of us as women. By prayerfully examining actions and situations that truly give us joy without the deceptive constraints of guilt, others’ expectations, “should haves” and “ought tos” we can begin to make choices that reflect the unique spirit God has placed within every person.

Finding Your Strongest Life includes a “Strong Life Test” designed to measure women against nine key life roles and determine the “lead” and “supporting” roles each individual was designed to play. Mr. Buckingham offers techniques, inspiration and many real-life examples for how to accept those roles and play to our strengths. His easy-going and down-to-earth prose was credible and a delight to read–so much so that I want to read it again!

I’ve decided to include Find Your Strongest Life as the next MeMyBook&Eye reading selection. While I’d recommend you getting a copy for yourself, you can always read vicariously with me over the next few weeks as I delve a little deeper into how this book affects my adventure in paying attention. I’m planning one or two more posts in the current 10-10-10 series, and then I’ll be ready for some strength training. Stay tuned!

MeMyBook&Eye: Working the Numbers, Ep.2

No, it’s not Monday, but I didn’t want Banned Book Week to snuff out MeMyBook&Eye entirely. So, now showing at a special time, it’s 10-10-10 Episode #2!

Suzy Welch’s “life transforming idea” in the book 10-10-10 offers a process for making decisions based on how the consequences measure up in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years. The ways in which those consequences influence our core values forms the basis for intentional choices that help us live a life of our own making. I like it.

It’s obvious from a few key chapters in the book that Ms. Welch is well-versed in evaluating the requirements and responsibilities of the working world, and anecdotes from her own experiences are resounding evidence of her understanding of the particular struggles of working women. Chapters Five and Six offer insights and eye-opening examples of how 10-10-10 can be applied effectively to the work arena–both in business strategy and in personal work decisions.

Thoughts on the Value of Work

“Sociologists have long held that work is a primary source of identity in our lives, giving us direction and purpose and serving as the organizing principle of our days.” (pg. 102)

Right there my mind started protesting. I’m a working mother, but wait a minute. Is work really a “primary source of identity.” Sure, a “work ethic” is a litmus test of character, but what about work itself? As I read through Chapter Five I began to realize that somehow my circle of influencers had convinced me that work should be devalued–that it’s value should be set aside, if indeed it had any value in the first place. I realized that, at my core, I really don’t feel that way. I DO see work as valuable–and not just the work that feeds starving children. When it comes to women in the workplace, there is a segment of our culture that perpetrates the concept that women shouldn’t find fulfillment in work. And, all too often, that segment centers in people of faith.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe work should be the “be all and end all” for women, or for any human being for that matter. I don’t wonder why my family can’t appreciate my desire to work. I don’t struggle with what’s most important. My gifts and my home life win hands down. But, I like my work. I enjoy what I do. I find it fulfilling and stimulating. I “identify” many aspects of myself through work, as the sociologists say. And, while it doesn’t necessarily govern my full purpose in life, I do have certain gifts that I want to put to use in the world outside the walls of my precious home base.

Indeed, whatever form an individual’s work takes, be it work in an office, work in a field or work in a home, the act of working is valuable. The act of setting goals and accomplishing tasks is valuable. The act of giving something all you have until it is complete is valuable. The act of resting when it is done is valuable. There is dignity and a commonality with God and creation in the act of work, for even God Himself wills and “work(s) for His good pleasure.”

Sustainable Solutions

I like Suzy Welch’s approach to creating work satisfaction and fulfillment in the traditional job sense. The phrase “sustainable solutions” stood out as important. Sustainable choices and situations are not affected by the passing influx of cash or credit–money or affirmation. In fact, in the three primary considerations Ms. Welch suggests for determining work values, pay day didn’t really factor in at all. She suggested asking the following questions:

1. Does the job allow me to work with “my people?” Or, does it require me to put on a persona? Finding peers and colleagues who share your values and appreciate you for who you are authentically is an important work fulfillment meter.

2. Does my job make me smarter? Stagnant water produces all kinds of stinky organisms that eventually squeeze the life out of a life-giving substance. Fulfillment requires growth. Without it, opportunity dies. Work that challenges us creates a sense of value.

3. Does the work give me meaning? Ms. Welch calls it the “joy factor.” And it’s ok to acknowledge it and search it out.

The Fallacy of Balance

I’m reading a lot about this these days and realizing just how true it is. “Balance” is a myth. I know from experience that working women–working mothers, especially–often spend a lot of time trying to “balance” work and home. The reality, however, is that there can’t be equality among values. Ms. Welch makes the very valid observation that “balance” is about trade-offs. It’s about finding the tipping point at which your life begins to stray from what you want it to be about.

In seeking to line up my roles as employee, manager, wife, mother, friend, homekeeper, [insert yours here], I have to know how my values line up. They can’t all be top priority, and only I can determine how important each one is in creating the overall life of value I want to lead. Something has to take precedence.

Precedence doesn’t mean that at times we won’t shift priorities to accomplish the need of the moment, but we have to keep the “main thing” the main thing (as I remember from my old days in the MSU Baptist Student Union). The 10-10-10 process seems to be a good vehicle for determining when that shift is important and when it is a smokescreen fo guilt, distraction or just plain impulsiveness. Values equal choices. There’s no getting around it. If values are to govern our lives and inspire action, then they will invariably require choices–defacto, conscious or otherwise. Deal with it. And, choose.

All too often we let the opinions or values of others dictate how we set our tipping point–whether it’s a boss or a screaming child or a well-meaning friend. But, noone can really determine my values but me. Noone can set MY priorities because noone can live them but me.

We choose our values with our eyes open, and we must own the consequences. A rich life is full of trade-offs, determined by what is most valuable to us. Forget the well-intentioned disapproval of others or the self-imposed guilt associated with a loss of “balance.”  Let your choices reflect your “most.”

Thanks for the wake-up call, Suzy!