#300: The Story of Us
I’ve been thinking about stories. Every night I read them. Bug and Little Drummer Boy have their distinctive routines for getting in bed–their own special bed buddies, their own words they need to say to Mommy, their own way of wearing a blanket–and they always involve stories. Stories read and stories told. They would probably both read for hours or until their little eyelids gave way, but as the adult in the process, I usually set a few parameters. Bug reads two in the rocking chair by his bed and then gets in the crib for a backrub and a song. LDB reads one or two in the big red chair and then one in his bed before a backrub and a song. Mommy carries the veto power over whether we read short or long stories–and how many of their own stories they can tell–depending on how much time we have. I must admit that the system is a little fluid.
It’s funny reading stories with my children. Baby Girl’s version is a quick rampage through her little bookshelf. Every now and then she brings one to the window seat to discuss in her special Baby Girl language, but quickly tires of the details. Bug has finally moved past the rampage process and prefers to be in total control of the story experience, pointing out which words to read on each page. It makes for a disfunctional tale, but he seems to like it. Little Drummer Boy often ponders each page, asking questions and drawing conclusions about the characters at every turn. I’m always amazed at how they each become a part of every story they “read.” Each story is a story of us or of their day at school or of their favorite toy of the moment.
Me? I find myself focused at the beginning and end of the story, daydreaming through the pages. I coerce them into choosing a book to start. I rush them through closing the book and climbing in bed. In between, I often realize I’ve been thinking of something altogether different as I recite the words I’ve come to memorize.
I’ve been reminded over the past few weeks of the sheer generosity and courage found in telling stories–the stories at the heart of people. And, sadly, how quick I am to daydream through the pages, focused on the easier to mark signposts of start and finish, and assuming everything else in between. It’s so easy to impatiently want to skip to the end rather than endure the personal commitment of absorbing that daily, hard-revealed narrative. I’ve been amazed and grateful for the unselfish generosity of spirit revealed in the single pages of an individual’s story that has been freely laid open. And how much that generosity opens me to experience that story as my own–the story of us, not them.
This post is #300 in this little EyeJunkie storytelling experiment. The experiment represents the day to day pages of eighteen months and counting. It’s a humbling experience to see some of the connections that have been made through simple reading and writing, well-chosen and haphazard words. The stories start living. They breathe with the life of hardships and friendships and love and connections and disappointments and so many other things.
As I’ve been thinking through the direction of future posts, I’ve started to realize that stories need a storyteller so that those tales–of children and parents, hungry and thirsty, free and chained, crooked and straight–become the story of us. Not me. Not them. I want to be sure my attention in this endeavor is refocused on that generous act. I’ll try my best.
Filed under Day + Day, Reading + Writing | Comment (0)4th Day of Thanksgiving: 10:03pm
10:03pm
For those of you who may not be privy to the secret inner world of Wordpress Dude, the EyeJunkie posts don’t always come hot off the keyboard just as the thoughts spring from my brain. No, sometimes I actually schedule them ahead. [shock!] Sometimes I let them sit in my digital diary for weeks or months, adding a sentence or two here and there until they’ve adequately germinated. Sometimes they sit in the draft queue for a while waiting on me to hit the “publish” button. Sometimes they hang out in my hand-written title brainstorm list for an inordinate amount of time while I make room on the priority list. Sometimes Wordpress Dude’s auto save function presses happily on while I scoot over to dictionary.com to find out the correct spelling of a word or while I answer one of the 4yo, 3yo or 1yo questions that come my way. If I’m really honest, sometimes when I say “last night” it was actually a few nights ago, or maybe a few months ago. Life’s just like that. Although the blogging medium is usually a little more transparent than some, Wordpress Dude still offers a modicum of subterfuge tactics. It’s kind of like learning that President Obama wasn’t really the one writing all those tweets. Just as obvious, only with a MUCH smaller audience. For the three of my kind readers to whom it wasn’t obvious, I can only say… Pay no attention to the gal behind the curtain.
I think I may have taken this intro a little further than necessary.
10:16pm
I say all that to say this… This post is coming off the keyboard in real time. It’s a little odd even for me, but I needed a little self-intervention. You see, I’ve been struggling all day with coming up with some idea (any idea) for what to write about giving thanks. The fact is, I’m just about “give out,” as they say in my best Southern. It’s been a frustrating week so far with few thanksgiving fuzzies. I feel like I’m giving out in so many areas–being a wife, a mother, a cook, a home-keeper, a “creative”, a designer, a blogger, a social media strategist, a writer–and there’s not enough coming back in at the moment. Likely, I’ve stretched my creativity too thin, which happens periodically, but the bottom line is that thanksgiving is not really part of the equation right now.
I’ve been frustrated. I’ve been irritated. I’ve been tired. I’ve been a complainer and even a whiner. I’ve been ripe for ranting about something, anything. [Aside: I fed the rant habit with a little ditty I'll post tomorrow] I had to ask Little Drummer Boy’s forgiveness today. I had to try two gas pumps before the credit card machine would work. While staring aimlessly ahead as I pumped away $35, I read “container” as “cantankerous” on the petroleum warnings. Enough said.
10:26pm
So, I’m going uncensored this evening in an attempt to sharply correct my attitude. And to add a shot of reality into this 12 Days of Thanksgiving thing. I just don’t feel like being grateful. I can’t find my gratitude inspiration. It’s Day 4. What can I glean about giving thanks from this predicament.
Here’s something that’s as good as any… Thanksgiving is my choice. There I said it. If thanksgiving is my choice, then being a whiner is my choice too. Ouch. It’s a painful reality. It’s not that I don’t have something to be thankful for or that there is nothing in my life to inspire my gratitude. The problem is that I’m choosing to focus my attention in the wrong direction. It’s my choice.
So, here goes. With you as my witness, I’m turning the corner, turning the page, whatever. It’s time to rethink my choice. I’m going to spend the next 15 minutes writing things I’m thankful for. And, I don’t mean a list of stuff I like. I mean things that have added blessing and value to my life just in the last few days. Ready, go.
10:35pm
Old friends that have unintentionally encouraged me to get real — A work acquaintance who responded to a request I thought was overlooked in such an incredibly generous, humble and transparent way — The ability to write what I think and feel in this amazing forum and have other people actually read it — The sweet voice of Bug as he sings his lullaby with me, and keeping my voice as soft as humanly possible so I could hear — Obys takeout on a busy day — Having the opportunity to speak for Dux D’Lux in online media, a great and challenging responsibility — A job that has continued to challenge me for 15 years, where I’ve continued to learn and grow creatively — Our first really crisp day — A glowing orange cable-knit v-neck sweater for $14.99 (I’m a girl, and it’s basic, folks) — The internet, what unprecedented access to ideas and opinions from everywhere all at once — The screaming from my hallway and realizing it’s the glee of truck races and giggles rather than arguments — A few days of full-time work for Quiver and the hope that it will continue — Baby Girl has not been pulling on her ear in the last few days and early evening naps have made her a happy camper — The artistic vision of Walter Anderson — Relatively smooth mornings and safe travel as I’ve handled getting all three gifts dressed and to preschool by myself this week — The anticipation of getting to have lunch with Little Drummer Boy on Friday — The fact that my gifts love going to their school — The act of forgiveness, giving and receiving it — Rat poison to stop that incessant scratching during these first cold days (sorry, had to go there because it’s distracting me) — The joy that comes from learning from others — The opportunity to give grace where it’s due and where it isn’t –
10:50pm
Ok. The choice is a no-brainer.
Filed under Day + Day | Comment (1)Searching My Junkie Soul
I received a great compliment this week. At least EyeJunkie did. Super Facebook Guy struck again and delivered a request by an old friend from my Architecture school days. Not unlike catching up in person, Facebook befriending often involves a series of messages or wall posts aimed at determining “where have you been, what have you done and are you still the same as the last time I saw you?” In this case, that was almost 20 years ago. Naturally, the virtual conversation involved our families, our work, where old mutual acquaintances are and in this case, a quick browse of EyeJunkie.com.
After a look through the blog, my re-aquaintance wrote a lovely email to let me know he enjoyed it. His words spoke to some soul searching I’ve been doing about the direction of my writing…
“It really crackles with life.”
Wow! Now that’s high praise. Over the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the best ways to spend my writing time and what I really want EyeJunkie to be. As I shared with you recently, with three preschoolers to chase, free time is a coveted commodity around the Junkie parts. Since some of that time is devoted to writing, I want to make it count. I want the energy and time I devote to this creative pursuit to result in something that fulfills me. So, I’ve been determining the directions in which I’d like to focus.
One of the continual questions I explore in my thinking about EyeJunkie is its theme–namely whether it needs one that is more specifically defined. When I read other blogs out there, I find they are often centered around a specific topic, whether it’s parenting, spiritual pursuits, good design, marketing, politics–all themes I enjoy. But, I really don’t want the creative limitations of focusing on just one of those ideas. When I read the stories of successful blogs, I wonder if it’s even possible to honor my readers, to give them something worth a regular invasion of their collective cyber space without developing a consistent theme.
I do lots of brainstorming about countless ideas for both work and writing, and my notes on this blog center around finding my true heart for the character of the body of work. There is one thing I know for sure. I certainly won’t honor my readers and provide a worthy outlet for their attention if this endeavor isn’t authentic. If it isn’t authentic to me and where I am, the writing will be without passion. When I write notes to qualify EyeJunkie, these are the words that repeatedly find their way to the page:
beautiful, honest, creative, fresh
I want EyeJunkie to reflect life. To hear a first impression that the presentation “crackles with life” was a well-needed moment of affirmation and an encouragement to pursue it in all its rich pageant. Above all, I want this blog to reflect life. It most readily falls into the “personal blog” genre, the hallmark of which is that it’s about MY life. But, in reality, my life isn’t all that different from a thousand lives. Yes, my family is one of individuals, my interests are mine, my juggles and struggles have unique details. But, the greater issues are shared by most people and families. My pursuit is to make my moments count, even if only by living each one completely regardless of its mundane or profound characteristics. To that end, I simply cannot sustain a thematic approach–at least not with authentic passion. Life isn’t always thematic. Life is interrupted. Life is multifaceted. Life is overlapping. It isn’t easily compartmentalized. BUT, life has goals. It has values and overarching commitments and priorities that are applicable to and reflected in all its interruptions and facets.
For EyeJunkie, one of those goals is an uncontrived pursuit of paying attention. Highlights from my belief that there isn’t much that’s incidental, not much that’s insignificant. The powerful and profound can be found in almost everything, and joy and contentment are soon to follow from a life lived with intention.
It would be tempting to cater my thoughts and themes to what readers might expect, to let that be the driving force. But realistically, I don’t thing that would lead to much satisfaction for me as a writer. And, I don’t think it would generate much of the quality that’s worthy of your attention either. I hope you’ll stay with me as I explore some of my brainstormed ideas over the next few months, and I hope you’ll find some of your own life in the haphazard “crackling” glimpses of mine.
[A special thank you to M.F. for your generous observations.]
Filed under Reading + Writing | Comment (0)Tues Ten 091509: The Post Behind the Post
Over Labor Day weekend I had the opportunity to do some thinking, brainstorming and evaluating about my blog in between looking after a little one-year-old flu statistic and giving out big-brothers-of-the-year awards. I’m still hammering out the results, but so far they involve some re-thinking of how I approach my writing. I thought I’d share some thoughts as a preface to the “PBP” Tues Ten list.
As you might imagine, I have precious little time to devote to writing, what with 3 preschoolers, a full time job, a house and a family to feed and care for. Even less of that theoretical time is uninterrupted. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The hugs and “I love you”s and DVD changes and “why”s are all little motivators to focus on what really matters.
I started EyeJunkie.com as a creative outlet with just those interruptions in mind. Unlike other creative pursuits I enjoy like painting or crafting or book-making, writing lends itself more easily to the serendipity of day to day living, and requires very few materials. And, from the mundane to the profound to the much sought after to the little noticed, subject matter is all around for the taking.
As I was thinking about my writing habits in general, time constraints seem to be the deciding factor for much of what I envision. I enjoy writing. Time is limited. Facts. I want to make sure I use my time in the way that brings me the most joy. To that end, I decided to re-appropriate my writing time and focus less on writing freelance articles. While I enjoy writing about specific topics, it doesn’t give me the most joy. And, life is too fleeting to choose options of lesser joy. In short, I want to spend less of my “free” time frenzied by a deadline, writing pieces I’m not all that excited about. I’ll be limiting the weekly and monthly commitments I make for article writing in search of more writing joy. Yay!
I hope to focus more attention on this blog as my primary writing outlet, building it with more regular content–writing that gives me fulfillment. Quality writing that earns your trust and support–and maybe even a few of your giggles and tears. I’m sure I’ll fine-tune themes and goals more specifically as I delve in, but suffice it to say that I want to write it for my own joy. I hope it will, in turn, add something to your day as well.
In my brainstorming, I’ve made lots of notes about the post series on this blog–what’s working, what needs extra attention, what I’m tired of. I’m made notes on how to incorporate more of my design work as a supplement to the writing–how to give it a fresh look, how to extend the life of pieces I post, how to share more. I’ve listed out a few hair-brained ideas that may see the light of day at some point. Time will tell. I’m sure I’ll share more “writing about writing” as thoughts gel and turn into some kind of gooey subscriber-worthy confection. Until then, I give you this week’s Tues Ten Twelve: The Post Behind the Post.
The Queen once gave me a book called QBQ: The Question Behind the Question. It is a little book that challenges some of the traditional notions of customer service with a heavy slant toward personal responsibility–a concept I can absolutely get behind. It challenges us to answer the question behind the question in our dealings with others in a business setting and beyond.
So, I listed (in my compulsive list-making sort of way, the way that involves illegible hand-writing) out twelve post subjects or goals that underly much of what I write. Articulating the post behind the post is a good barometer for whether I’m writing for the most joy (woo!) or settling for a lesser joy (bleh!). Hold me accountable with your comments! I love hearing from you.
I find the most writing joy and fulfillment when my words:
1. Observe and communicate effectively
2. Tell stories
3. Get real
4. Articulate values
5. Make me laugh
6. Turn the mudane into the profound
7. Find ways that faith intersects with real life
8. Show how kids are gifts that keep on giving
9. Encourage responsibility
10. Share working mom antics we all know, but are reluctant to admit
11. Remind that media and culture are often ridiculous
12. Help me pay attention
Filed under Reading + Writing, The Tuesday Ten | Comment (0)15 Minute Fruit
Two posts about writing/blogging back to back must be a record for me. Writing about writing can sometimes be a little redundant and sometimes a little too theoretical for my tastes, but the post behind the post on this one is really about discipline.
Given the wild hare trail of the previous post, I was reading back through some of my notes and early paragraphs that were spent defining what EyeJunkie.com would be. The trip through cyber memory lane reminded me that one of my beginning goals for creating a blog was to discipline myself to actually write more consistently. Journaling is a practice I’ve enjoyed for much of my life, but had gotten away from it a bit. I had become entangled in the burden of recording thoughts, and the burden of the actual thoughts that are a prerequisite.
If you read the tips and how-tos on writing (whether creative writing, blogging, or freelance writing) you will invariably find this one: The best way to become a better writer is to write more. (My paraphrase, of course.) And, I suppose there’s a reason why so many people advise it. The daily practice of writing requires practice. The daily practice of idea-generation requires practice. The daily practice of picking content fruit before it sours on the vine requires practice. In keeping with the theme of EyeJunkie, the daily practice of paying attention to what’s right in front of me before it escapes requires practice. Practice, practice, practice. (Now I’m sounding like Mrs. Winstead, my childhood piano teacher.)
To that end, I think I’m ready to get back to some of the entanglement of that journaling process again. I’m ready for that daily activity of simply recording aspects of daily activity, and the profound thoughts it often generates. Recently, I have been thinking about the Mississippi painter, Walter Anderson, because of a project I’m working on at my day job. His watercolor and block print works have long inspired me, and there is no better example of the practice of paying attention with a paint brush or pencil in hand than his. I remember reading somewhere that when Mr. Anderson was a child, his mother required he and his siblings to write and draw some each day. It was part of there routine of “chores” so to speak. I like that. Time spent each day in self expression is so valuable to nourishing the creative spirit.
My day job offers me the opportunity to draw (or at least design) most days, and while it’s not quite the same when done for someone else’s marketing pursuits, I’m willing to let it suffice for the drawing requirement. For writing, on the other hand, I’m ready to regain the discipline of that daily, intentional, time-sensitive writing diary again. I’ve decided to begin the “practice” of writing for at least 15 minutes at the end of each day about something relevant to my experiences during those 24 hours–whether deeds, words, distractions or thoughts. I originally thought of the concept with my “500 or 15″ posting tag featuring 500 words or 15 minutes on the topic at the top of the heap. I still like that topical approach (and will pursue it), but I’m eager to hone my attention span with a more time-centered requirement. I don’t promise to share the fruit of every 15 minutes, but I’m sure you’ll be privy to the scores and highlights.
Day one of the 15 minute experiment down.
Filed under Reading + Writing | Comment (0)
