November Bounty

Happy November! It seems almost impossible that 2011 is almost over, but here we are. Last weekend my kids and I visited our family farm and enjoyed some time exploring outdoors. As we were gathering leaves and rocks and other treasures, I was observing the light and the colors. Fall is a random time in the South. It’s random in that you never know exactly when it’s going to hit and what response Nature might make. The typical Fall colors and signature blue sky spread themselves along the landscape from late September well into January sometimes. For this trip, I was noticing the clarity of the colors. The blue sky was astonishingly blue at times. The greens were still quite vibrant in places. The yellows and reds and oranges were popping out in their appropriate tree species with a punch. I sometimes assume November will offer only the most sluggish of colors that are soon muddied out by an overwelming gray/brown neutral. Not so, as we begin the month this year! Even my own yard is ablaze with deep hues. Clear hues.

Clarity. It can be hard to come by sometimes — in colors and in living. As November has brought it’s clear hues this year, I’m also wondering what I’m willing to let it bring for my clarity of spirit. This month, we celebrate Thanksgiving. We focus on the blessings we find in the privilege of living. The bounty.

Bounty is clarifying. Taking the time to recognize the bounty around me pushes aside muddy thinking and muddy priorities. It focuses my attention on what matters. It keeps the main things (and people) in clearer focus. Bounty refuses to allow itself to be governed by regrets or have-nots. It requires that I see a full plate. It flies in the face of all the distractions that come with that battle in my mind. Am I really making progress? Am I really speaking? Am I really moving? Am I really living? Moving my attention to the bounty of each day and each experience helps me live that day and that experience will a full focus and a full heart. That’s my goal this November, and that’s the inspiration for this month’s wallpaper art. Enjoy for your desktop, iphone or ipad!

Monday Thoughts

At the end of every day.

At the end of every day I live my life alone. Regardless of who may be within these walls, I face myself alone.

Alone with my joy. Alone with my sorrow. Alone with my triumphs. Alone with my mistakes. At the end of every day I only have myself to sleep with. Peacefully or restlessly. When all the people and things that have filled my day are lost in sleep, I am left with myself. When I’ve laid aside their hopes and dreams, I’m left looking at  my own. Squarely in the face. With no interruption. No masking. No distraction.

At the end of every day, what do I see? How do I cope with myself once all the other coping is finally tucked into bed? Am I proud? Am I content? Am I filled with joy and peace? At the end of every day I live my life alone. I face the realities my own life alone. I can’t live squandering it. And still know I’ve lived.

Nimble

“Jack jumped over the candle stick!” Bug came home singing it a week ago. They had finished up nursery rhyme week and he could recite the poem in full laughter mode complete with a demonstration of the famous leap. There is pumpkin fever around my house! Little Drummer Boy, Bug and Baby Girl have all had a hankering for Fall fun, and I have to admit that it’s taken me by surprise. Yes, October arrives every year on the day after September 30th, but for some reason I’ve felt a step or two behind the process this year. Fall IS my favorite time of year, and I suppose I’ve spread that little joy to my children enough in the past to help them catch the autumn bug as well. That’s probably why they’ve been asking non-stop about carving pumpkins, pulling pumpkins from the attic, painting pumpkins, decorating with pumpkins, icing pumpkins, etc. Are you catching the theme?

As I’ve watched their excitement grow over the last week about silly things like pulling down the attic stairs and fetching the Halloween box. About finding the best “horse apples”, those green seed-y balls from the Bodock tree they’ve decided we need to decorate aptly. About picking out just the right pumpkins from the produce bin. About all the things we’ve planned to do and enjoy once “Fall” arrives.

Well, now it’s here.

I couldn’t help but use the word “nimble” in this month’s desktop wallpaper. It’s a different kind of “Jack” of course, but naturally, “nimble” seemed to fit. It also fits my feelings this month. It seems October has arrived with more quickness than it usually does. Where has 2011 gone? And, I have no doubt that Jack’s month will usher the rest of the year through our lives with even more agility. In the same way, I see my sweethearts all full of giggles and smiles and questions, and I can’t help but recognize how nimble the passage of their days is as well. I’m barely caught up with one stage or one skill before they’ve moved on to the next. I’ve barely wrung out one tender moment or one amazing conversation before they’re on to the next profundity. As this October begins, I find myself gripping to slow the process down, to halt the furious race toward the next accomplishment in their lives. But, try as I might to resist it, I’m certain Jack will be nimble. And quick. So, I’m determined to be utterly captured in the gaze of his fiery grin for as long as possible. Before the flicker is blown by leaping. As their feet rush on to new journeys.

Click and enjoy.

Hello World

It’s been a while. I wish I could say that my absence from the EJ world was intentional. I did actually take a planned sabbatical from the Plop! blog, but not so with EyeJunkie. Unfortunately. It was entirely accidental. Or sidestepping. Or maybe even robbery.

Rather than a more noble intentional break for deeper focus and refinement, I’m sad to say that the source of my posting fast falls more along the lines of relinquishment. It’s true. It’s a result of my own lack of attention, my own pushing aside of something I enjoy, my own crowding out. That’s why I’m tempted to call it robbery, and I’m the primary suspect.

You see, I really enjoy writing and journalling and all the chronicling of life through words that comes with it. So, why hasn’t it been part of my days for virtually all of this summer? It would be easy (and perhaps simple) to blame it on busy-ness, work stress, or even too much authentic life. But, that’s not it. That’s not genuine. The fact is I’ve relinquished it. I’ve let other priorities supersede my own, exchanging something that matters to me for the ever urgent and perpetually earth-shattering wants of others. I’ve robbed my own time and priorities and enjoyment and paid them in service to something other than mine.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m one of those folks who happens to think putting others first is a worthy endeavor. I happen to enjoy the “urgent” calling of “Mommy” and such. The “urgent” newspaper ad or umpteenth email or 37th corner dust bunny, not so much. When I see the cost of giving up something I’ve always enjoyed, something that helps me boost control and creativity in other areas, something that makes me better at the things I’m desperate to do better, THOSE urgencies just aren’t worth it.

I’ve been learning lessons. Again. It’s up to me and no one else to order my life in a way that matches with what brings me daily fulfillment and joy. I can leave it in the hands of “urgent” needs, but I inevitably come up short on the joy end. And the daily is worth striking a hard line with joy. I don’t want to wait for joy. I’m spoiled that way. I want it now. For, a life of joy is made up of small joyous moments too fleeting to relinquish.

So, I’m writing again.

Setting the tone for MY life is my responsibility and my privilege. No one can take it from me without my permission. And today’s answer is “no.”

Summer Daze

It’s Summer time, and I don’t have anything profound to say about that fact. Nope. Summer just seems to defy profundity and position itself squarely in the camp of carefree. And, I guess that IS a little profound. Sometimes in the thick of real life, carefree is very elusive.

Who can’t smile at gumballs? Aren’t they the the epitome of instant sweet-filled and quickly-fleeting summertime carefree moments? I took the photo in this month’s desktop wallpaper image one Sunday afternoon earlier this month. That day, I did just what I imagine I did as a child on a summer weekend afternoon. I gazed at the scrumptious offerings inside a window, but was too drawn by the possibilities of the moment to stop and go inside. Summer daze gone by — when the endless opportunities of free time were almost overwhelming. And the absence of time constraints almost made me dizzy with possibilities.

I love that feeling. And, even though my constraints are a little more rigid in this grown-up June and July, I hope I can still capture a touch of that daze. Just a touch of that carefree heart peeking in the window, but too busy with loving life to bother with dropping in the coin. Enjoy my personal glimpse of summer, and feel free to download to use in your own devices. *wink*