Monday MeMyBook&Eye: Geeks are Weird

I had to chuckle and shake off vivid memories as I read Geek Principles #3 & 4 in Bringing Up Geeks this weekend. Some of the experiences and thoughts Marybeth Hicks shared in her chapters on “Raising an Uncommon Kid” and “Raising a Kid Adults Like” reminded me of some of the commitments my own parents made when I was growing up. Most of their theories, however, didn’t come from reading the advice of others. It came from how they, themselves, were raised and from their own values and preferences. That type of demonstration is the chief lesson I gleaned from this portion of the book.

“Raising an Uncommon Kid” begins with a simple reality: “Some people think being different is weird.” (pg 90) I’ll say! I was raised as an uncommon child, and I realize that it never bothered me much. I never felt I was slighted in the things that mattered. I remember my childhood as a very blessed and happy one–but one that was uncommon. I never had an Atari game. I didn’t watch most of the popular sit-coms of the day because my Dad thought they were silly and unentertaining. I remember watching the 5:30pm national news and the 6:00pm local news. I never had posters of Shawn Cassidy hanging in my room. I got a balance beam for Christmas one year. I spent my weekends at my grandparents farm playing with puppies and cows rather than going to the movies or hanging out in the McDonald’s parking lot. I watched Lawrence Welk and Austin City Limits on PBS with my family on Saturday night. Yep, I was weird. But, the more I think about it, the more I want to enstill that same weirdness in my own children.

Both of these chapters underscore again the need to be vigilant in how we deal with culture’s influence in our lives as well as the need to establish high expectations for our children. “Raising an Uncommon Kid” highlights the importance of encouraging our gifts to pursue their individual interests, rejecting the pull of materialism and consumerism that so often govern choices today. I believe these values also set the stage for “Raising a Kid Adults Like.” Children who have learned the value of and cultivated the freedom to pursue their own interests are just more interesting. They’ve been shielded from the overindulgence and media-savvy behavior that often promotes disrespect and poor attitudes. Uncommon kids have often learned the courtesies and skills that make adults like to be around them.

The subject of freedom is a seductive one. So often kids (and adults) equate freedom with getting to do whatever they want, regardless of the consequences to themselves, their families or others. Freedom in that regard often produces nothing more than bondage. Marybeth points out that in today’s “culture of cool,” children are subject to the whims of popularity. Now more than ever before, consumerism and selfish narcism are rampant in children (not just teens). Once again, they’ve taken their cues from the adults in their lives. They value what we value–which so often is nothing of real value. Making parenting–and purchasing– decisions for uncommon children, however, gives them the freedom to explore their own interests, their own styles, their own means of self-expression, truly free from the dictates of what company has the most advertising dollars or the coveted demographic market share or the ever-changing “it” people, places and things.

This whole discussion brings to the surface the importance of knowing what true value is and where we find it.  With my children, I need to help them establish a core understanding that their worth and value as people does not rest in what they own or even what they do. It must rest in something more concrete and unchanging. I believe it rests in our status as a wholly loved, immaculately designed creation of the God of the universe. That sort of helps to put the value of self, others and possessions in their proper places.

One of the most poignant concepts presented in these two chapters is the idea of materialism and how insidious its influence can be. Marybeth quoted Madeline Levine, saying that materialism at its core shows “how easy it can be to choose the simple seduction of objects over true complex substance of relationships.” (pg 95)

As so often is the case, manipulation breeds manipulation. I look around and easily realize that the manipulation of media and culture toward materialism leads people to manipulate others. The desire for things, the quest to fit in often leads to children manipulating parents in the form of begging, whining, etc. It leads to the manipulation of others by encouraging children to arbitrarily and inconsistently bestow favor (or disfavor) on others based on constantly moving benchmarks.

“Raising a Kid Adults Like” reminded me again of the importance of manners and courteous, respectful behavior. Likewise, it underscored the reality that if we have low expectations of our kids, they will most certainly meet them. The fact is that respect and kindness are learned, and therefore trained. As I tell my boys, you can always choose to be kind or respectful. (Ahem. Adults, listen to this next sentence.) It is not dependent on circumstances. Although I’d love to live in a world where truly appearances and the seemingly superficial manner of speech is unimportant, it’s not the way of this world. We live in this world, and this world often gathers a first impression by the good manners (or lack of) a person exhibits.

Bringing Up Geeks continues to remind me of the need to live out values before my children, to reject the notion of culture as the master and to take concrete steps to control its influence. With practical advice that can be used on a day-to-day basis, it is quickly becoming a manual for uncommon parenting in a much-hyped, but common, culture.

Geek Episode #2
Geek Episode #1