Comments on: The One Where I Come Out… And Say It http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/ adventures in paying attention Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:14:06 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: eyejunkie http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-624 eyejunkie Fri, 12 Jun 2009 03:49:52 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-624 Well said, Liza. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story. One of the great blessings that has come from this post is the opportunity to hear real stories of how the "barbed wire" is impacting other folks. Kudos to you and your cousin for being able to get past the "us" and "them" and on to listening and caring. I'm trying to get around to read more of the great blogs from my new commenting friends. I hope to continue listening and seeing (and speaking) through those avenues. Oh, and I appreciate the camaraderie on the summer preggers issue. My 2nd son was a late November babe -- much more comfortable than August :) Well said, Liza. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story. One of the great blessings that has come from this post is the opportunity to hear real stories of how the “barbed wire” is impacting other folks. Kudos to you and your cousin for being able to get past the “us” and “them” and on to listening and caring. I’m trying to get around to read more of the great blogs from my new commenting friends. I hope to continue listening and seeing (and speaking) through those avenues.

Oh, and I appreciate the camaraderie on the summer preggers issue. My 2nd son was a late November babe — much more comfortable than August :)

]]> By: Liza http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-622 Liza Fri, 12 Jun 2009 01:59:32 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-622 Hi Haley, Like most of the rest of the commenters, I'm here by way of LesbianDad & Mombian, and I want to add my voice to the chorus of people saying thank you. Thank you for being so open, thank you for risking the discomfort of that barb wire fence, thank you for seeing our families, and thank you for considering your faith and the historical context in such a thoughtful way. My partner and I had a religious wedding a year or so before the possibility of legal marriage was first raised in Massachusetts. As we planned for that, my most conservative evangelical Christian cousin initially took the path of judgment and rejection. Fortunately for the entire family, she was willing to sit down with me, and after a couple of hours of both of us listening, caring, and wanting to "get it," we were able to reach an understanding. I understood and acknowledged her concern for my soul, without having to share her opinion. And she acknowledged that I was building my family and part of our family, and even agreed to attend the wedding with her husband and toddler. And 6 years later, that cousin and I remain closer than we ever were before all of this exploded. That long rambling comment's point is that I think the more of "us" who really try to listen to "them," the more likely we are to be able to find some room to navigate this high-risk fence. Hi Haley,

Like most of the rest of the commenters, I’m here by way of LesbianDad & Mombian, and I want to add my voice to the chorus of people saying thank you. Thank you for being so open, thank you for risking the discomfort of that barb wire fence, thank you for seeing our families, and thank you for considering your faith and the historical context in such a thoughtful way.

My partner and I had a religious wedding a year or so before the possibility of legal marriage was first raised in Massachusetts. As we planned for that, my most conservative evangelical Christian cousin initially took the path of judgment and rejection.

Fortunately for the entire family, she was willing to sit down with me, and after a couple of hours of both of us listening, caring, and wanting to “get it,” we were able to reach an understanding. I understood and acknowledged her concern for my soul, without having to share her opinion. And she acknowledged that I was building my family and part of our family, and even agreed to attend the wedding with her husband and toddler.

And 6 years later, that cousin and I remain closer than we ever were before all of this exploded.

That long rambling comment’s point is that I think the more of “us” who really try to listen to “them,” the more likely we are to be able to find some room to navigate this high-risk fence.

]]> By: eyejunkie http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-620 eyejunkie Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:42:48 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-620 Thanks so much, Amy, for your kind words. I love your point about sinners. Even the most squirrely folks have to like someone even if its only themselves, and there you go. You just liked a sinner! I appreciate your willingness to get beyond the stereotype view (often rightly applied) of conservative Christians. I've been so thankful for so many in the LGBT community who are willing to give me the chance for continued dialog. I look forward to seeing those gorgeous "baby" girl photos. If you stick around for long, you'll see some of those here too! Thanks so much, Amy, for your kind words. I love your point about sinners. Even the most squirrely folks have to like someone even if its only themselves, and there you go. You just liked a sinner! I appreciate your willingness to get beyond the stereotype view (often rightly applied) of conservative Christians. I’ve been so thankful for so many in the LGBT community who are willing to give me the chance for continued dialog. I look forward to seeing those gorgeous “baby” girl photos. If you stick around for long, you’ll see some of those here too!

]]> By: Amy http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-618 Amy Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:13:58 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-618 Thank you, eyejunkie, for this thoughtful, heart-ful post, and to Polly at LD for directing us this way. I admire your courage. It's really hard to be on that barbed-wire fence, and harder to tell people that's where you are, instead of clamming up until you've decided which way you're going to jump. And you may end up staying in an in-between place that isn't always comfortable: pulled one way by your religious tradition and your understanding of God, but upholding the right of Americans to believe otherwise and not have any one religion determine our secular laws. Genuinely liking people who you think are sinners . . . well, come to think of it, we're all stuck with that permanently, huh? In my religion, it's very important to commit to keep seeing the things that may change our hearts. So another thank you for helping me to do that. You're adding complexity to my view of conservative Christians, that's for sure! I'm a liberal minister (Unitarian Universalist), and my wife and I are another of those 18,000 couples who added civil marriage to our religious one last summer before the axe fell; I brag about, giggle about, worry about, and post gorgeous photos of our beloved daughter at the link above. And I'll bookmark your blog, so that I can keep seeing you the way you've pledged to see us. Thank you, eyejunkie, for this thoughtful, heart-ful post, and to Polly at LD for directing us this way.

I admire your courage. It’s really hard to be on that barbed-wire fence, and harder to tell people that’s where you are, instead of clamming up until you’ve decided which way you’re going to jump. And you may end up staying in an in-between place that isn’t always comfortable: pulled one way by your religious tradition and your understanding of God, but upholding the right of Americans to believe otherwise and not have any one religion determine our secular laws. Genuinely liking people who you think are sinners . . . well, come to think of it, we’re all stuck with that permanently, huh? In my religion, it’s very important to commit to keep seeing the things that may change our hearts. So another thank you for helping me to do that. You’re adding complexity to my view of conservative Christians, that’s for sure!

I’m a liberal minister (Unitarian Universalist), and my wife and I are another of those 18,000 couples who added civil marriage to our religious one last summer before the axe fell; I brag about, giggle about, worry about, and post gorgeous photos of our beloved daughter at the link above. And I’ll bookmark your blog, so that I can keep seeing you the way you’ve pledged to see us.

]]> By: Aideen http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-612 Aideen Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:50:53 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-612 This is a lovely post. I say this as a socially-liberal, theologically-conservative gay Christian: there is a whole lotta Jesus-y-ness in your thinking... This is a lovely post. I say this as a socially-liberal, theologically-conservative gay Christian: there is a whole lotta Jesus-y-ness in your thinking…

]]> By: eyejunkie http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-611 eyejunkie Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:10:36 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-611 Thank you, Bionic! I appreciate you reading and your testimony for mint juleps. As I confessed to LD, I've never had a veranda. So, I was afraid having a mint julep without one would be some Southern sacrilege my roots hadn't made me aware of. :) Thank you, Bionic! I appreciate you reading and your testimony for mint juleps. As I confessed to LD, I’ve never had a veranda. So, I was afraid having a mint julep without one would be some Southern sacrilege my roots hadn’t made me aware of. :)

]]> By: BionicBrooklynite http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-610 BionicBrooklynite Sun, 07 Jun 2009 20:52:26 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-610 I, too, found this via Lesbian Dad and want to thank you for this post. I'm not on the fence on this issue, but I know what it feels like to have barbs in my britches, for sure. Thank you for your honesty and your compassion. (And you should try a mint julep someday -- I certainly gathered enough mint for others' in my NC childhood to really look forward to my first -- but I admit that mojitos taste the way I hoped the julep would.) I, too, found this via Lesbian Dad and want to thank you for this post. I’m not on the fence on this issue, but I know what it feels like to have barbs in my britches, for sure. Thank you for your honesty and your compassion.

(And you should try a mint julep someday — I certainly gathered enough mint for others’ in my NC childhood to really look forward to my first — but I admit that mojitos taste the way I hoped the julep would.)

]]> By: eyejunkie http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-603 eyejunkie Fri, 05 Jun 2009 03:25:34 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-603 Thank you, Sara, for stopping by and for your kind words. Indeed, we are more than our adjectives even though they are so often used to limit us. Here's to a clearer common vision. Thank you, Sara, for stopping by and for your kind words. Indeed, we are more than our adjectives even though they are so often used to limit us. Here’s to a clearer common vision.

]]> By: Sara http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-602 Sara Fri, 05 Jun 2009 02:10:06 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-602 I was sent over here from a link at LesbianDad....thank you so much for this thoughtful, heartfelt post. I've been married to my partner coming up on five years now here in Massachusetts, where our marriage has been legal since the summer of 2004. We have an 11 month old son. Your post reminds me (and we can all use reminding) that people are so much more than their adjectives, whether they are "liberal, lesbian, activist" or "evangelical, white, southern". Thank you for your promise to see my family. I promise I will see yours. I was sent over here from a link at LesbianDad….thank you so much for this thoughtful, heartfelt post. I’ve been married to my partner coming up on five years now here in Massachusetts, where our marriage has been legal since the summer of 2004. We have an 11 month old son. Your post reminds me (and we can all use reminding) that people are so much more than their adjectives, whether they are “liberal, lesbian, activist” or “evangelical, white, southern”. Thank you for your promise to see my family. I promise I will see yours.

]]> By: eyejunkie http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/2009/06/the-one-where-i-come-out%e2%80%a6-and-say-it/comment-page-1/#comment-601 eyejunkie Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:53:38 +0000 http://www.eyejunkie.com/blog/?p=1303#comment-601 Jessica -- Thank you so much for your thoughts and your email. I found your comments in the spam filter -- don't take it personally -- Wordpress Dude is sometimes a little overzealous (as we all are :). I loved reading your post and certainly would enjoy continuing the conversation. You story of friendship has, I'm sure, been hard-earned through much patience and forbearance. Your description of your hopes for your children was very moving, particularly this part… <blockquote>I want their spirit to shine through their actions, and when people who know them open their mouths to describe them, I want them to find their hearts on their lips.</blockquote> Thank you for sharing the post with me, and I encourage other readers to take a look. http://web.me.com/mksouthwell/May_the_Beauty/Blog/Entries/2009/5/31_blogging_for_glbt_families.html Jessica –
Thank you so much for your thoughts and your email. I found your comments in the spam filter — don’t take it personally — Wordpress Dude is sometimes a little overzealous (as we all are :). I loved reading your post and certainly would enjoy continuing the conversation. You story of friendship has, I’m sure, been hard-earned through much patience and forbearance. Your description of your hopes for your children was very moving, particularly this part…

I want their spirit to shine through their actions, and when people who know them open their mouths to describe them, I want them to find their hearts on their lips.

Thank you for sharing the post with me, and I encourage other readers to take a look.

http://web.me.com/mksouthwell/May_the_Beauty/Blog/Entries/2009/5/31_blogging_for_glbt_families.html

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